Entry 2: I Run to Face My Anxiety

A quote applicable to this entry arrived in my e-mail inbox from the daily meditative quotes I receive from the Meditation Society of Australia (http://meditation.org.au/index.asp?mobilecheck=true). For the Thursday, June 7, 2012 e-mail post, a portion of the quote by Mahatma Gandhi reads, "there is nothing that wastes the body like worry." From experience I know how true that statement is. I'd categorize myself as one of those people who worry just because there's nothing at all to worry about. Worrying about all of the things in which I have no control over is not only exhausting, but is headache, stomachache, and all-over-body-ache causing. I believe there are pockets throughout my body that receive direct deposits of worry.

Anxiety has played a heavy hand in my living, especially within the last eight years. I know the physical symptoms, negative thinking, self-victimizing, perfectionism, and unrealistic expectations that arise suddenly and unwelcome at the onset of anxiety. I remember times when I have felt the paralyzing effects of anxiety. Yuck!

Additionally, I know the determination and hard work it takes to defeat anxiety. Acknowledging, breathing, self-kindness and self-love are key strategies to survive and thrive through the most anxiety causing situations. When anxiety hits, I know it's time to become my own best friend.

Writing realistically, running does not cure my anxiety. In fact, I experience anxiety every time I run. I've even had a panic attack or two while running. Fear pulses through me and adrenaline leaps before I even turn the front door knob to head out. After 6 months of consistently running more than 10 miles a week, I've become accustomed to the anxiety. I've also learned that this run anxiety is healthy for me in the big picture.

Channeling my fear, worry, and anxiety into running pretty much clears the muck from every other thing I do or have going on. Running is the most physically and mentally exertive thing I do. After a run, all the other expectations I put on myself become either realistic and attainable or they're unrealistic and unworthy of beating myself up over. Imagine reaching whatever mileage goal at whatever pace. Also imagine an incredibly tough run when legs turn into slugs, the air is thick, and it feels like running in place. Everything else afterward becomes important enough or not important at all. Furthermore, breathing through a run guarantees I'll breathe the remainder of the day.

Running is for me. I do it for me. Running is the way I give into fear and is also my fight for joy. Running has become my secret place. My sanctuary.

If anxiety holds anyone back from enjoying life, I strongly recommend looking up Lucinda Bassett's anxiety and depression books and programs, http://www.midwestcenter.com/. Someone loaned one of Bassett's programs to me a few years ago and although there aren't recommendations to run, the program gave me tremendous value as well as immediate anxiety-fighting strategies. 

Lastly, just know and remember that happiness, joy, faith, and relaxation are things that must be fought for. Surely, these things are not handed over easily and are worth the fight. Everyday, fight for happiness!